Perfectionism

What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a personality trait that involves having extremely high levels of expectations, intangible goals, and constant lack of satisfaction, regardless of performance. A perfectionist wants to be free of any flaw, faultless or be exactly right. Perfectionism comes with a maladaptive set of behaviors that can result in many problems, and is deeply rooted in low self-esteem.

 

It is important to distinguish perfectionism from someone who strives for excellence. People often confuse perfectionism with achievement striving. Perfectionists believe that everything must be perfect all the time, whereas someone who strives to do their best understands that some situations call for perfection but others do not. 

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Signs You May Be A Perfectionist

It is possible to be perfectionistic in one area of your life and not in others. Below we provide common characteristics of perfectionists, life domains prone to perfectionism, and examples of perfectionistic behavior.

 

Characteristics of Perfectionists

Perfectionists often hold some or most of these characteristics: 

• Being detailed-oriented 

• Focused on rules and structure

• Having high expectations

• Neat appearance 

• Avoiding mistakes

• Low in confidence 

• Low in self-esteem

• Highly organized

 

Areas of Life Most Commonly Affected by Perfectionism: 

• Work and School: E.g., Not accepting less than an A grade.

• Neatness and Cleanliness: E.g., Deep cleaning the bathroom every day.

• Organization: E.g., Making and remaking lists as tasks are being completed.

• Writing: E.g., Being overly meticulous filling out forms or writing simple emails. 

• Speaking: E.g., Worrying about saying things incorrectly, and correcting others because you’re concerned with accuracy. 

• Physical appearance: E.g., Worrying about your weight, clothing, appearing put together. 

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Becoming Imperfect: Strategies to Overcoming Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a constant state of stress, but the road to recovery is absolutely possible! Like many other personality traits, you can overcome perfectionism. Let’s review some strategies and see what may work best for you. 

 

1. Make a Pros and Cons List

People with perfectionism love making lists, and remaking lists. So let’s use that to our advantage. Make a pros and cons list about your perfectionism. What are the advantages to being a perfectionist? What are the disadvantages? This exercise helps people with perfectionism see on paper that they are less productive when they let their perfectionism take over. Try it out. We are conditioned to believe that being a perfectionist is a badge of honor, but it’s more detrimental than we realize. It can hold us back from higher levels of success. 

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2. Process-Orientation and Measuring Success with Enjoyment

People who are perfectionists are often concerned with reaching perfection. They view perfection as the end goal, and may overlook the path to get to their goal. You’ll be surprised by how satisfied you feel toward the end. As you focus on ways to enjoy your work, you’ll find that you still perform well, but the tasks don’t seem daunting anymore.

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3. Learning from Mistakes 

Making mistakes in the process of attaining perfection is seen as a sign of failure by perfectionists. Rather than catastrophizing a mistake, take it as an opportunity to learn from. Look at mistakes as opportunities for growth, something you can learn from. Trial and error is what got science and humanity to where it is now. 

 

4. Look at the Big Picture

Let’s say you do make a mistake, and you feel like there’s nothing to learn from it. That happens. Careless mistakes are unavoidable, and hard to learn from. I misplaced my charger, and couldn’t find it for a couple of days. I can’t force myself to not forget next time, sometimes I just do. 

 

So I look at the bigger picture. Perfectionists often get bogged down with the little things. But do the small mistakes really matter in the long run? Try asking yourself these questions next time you feel like you’re worrying about the details: 

• Does it really matter? 

• What is the worst that could happen?

• If the worst does happen, can I survive it?

• Will this still matter tomorrow? How about next week? Next year?

 

These questions help with reframing the problem in a different lens, to help you realize that perhaps, the little mistakes are okay. 

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5. Exposure Practice

Perfectionism is a lot like having a fear. So, just like with the treatment for phobias, facing your fear with gradual and consistent exposure helps you realize that it’s not as dangerous as you imagined it to be. 

 

Essentially, you have to purposely make mistakes and come across as imperfect. 

• If you fear being seen as a tardy person, show up to an appointment 10 minutes late. 

• If you’re worried about your home looking imperfect, leave a small area messy and untidy. 

• Wear a shirt that has a visible stain on it, send a text message with a typo, or order a random thing on a restaurant’s menu without thinking too much about it. 

 

Doing small “imperfect” things will reduce your aversion to imperfection altogether. What scares you the most about imperfection? What is a small way you can counter it daily? 

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6. Establish Time Limits

When starting a task, tell yourself you will only work on it for an hour. Then after an hour, move onto another project or task. People with perfectionism often spend a long time on one task, having difficulty with decisions or being obsessed with doing things properly. 

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7. Open Up To Others

Perfectionists feel self-conscious about being imperfect around other people, feeling like they can’t let others see their flaws. Try to be open with others about your mistakes. See if you will still be accepted by them or not. The mistakes we make are often catastrophic in our minds, but when we open up to others, we realize that our mistakes don’t define us. 

 

If you have been a perfectionist in the past, admitting to your mistakes may make you seem more human and likeable. Think about it this way. If your close friend made a small mistake and admitted it to you, you would treat them with compassion and understanding. And so would they! 

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8. Compare Yourself to Yourself

We are all unique. Everyone has their own set of strengths and weaknesses. Comparing yourself with others is almost impossible because everyone is so different! Each person has unique life experiences and personality traits that have brought them to where they are in life. 

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When you compare yourself to others, you are setting yourself up for failure because you are fundamentally different from them. 

 

So why not just compare yourself to your past self. And the beauty of that is, with age, comes wisdom! I know for a fact that I am smarter than I was a year ago, and have learned things in the past year that have helped me improve as a person. Our goal should be to be the best version of ourselves, and you are definitely winning at that game!

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9. Working with a Professional

Overcoming perfectionism is difficult as a perfectionist. The irony is, trying to improve your perfectionism often becomes counterproductive—because you end up striving to be perfect at overcoming perfectionism, reinforcing the cycle. 

 

It is always okay to seek help from a professional. You don’t have to combat your perfectionism alone. With the help of a trained therapist, you can examine your thoughts, and help reframe them. Sometimes, you just need an expert to imperfect the perfectionism!